Hey Mom, Have You Seen Jack?, is a story from Scripture, honest.
So if the whole God made woman out of Adam’s rib thing doesn’t do it for you, well, here’s another tale that some moms might like better:
God looked around and saw all that he had created, and God was pleased…that is, until he saw Jack sitting in a heap busily frying rocks. God checked his notes, scratched his head, then blew a little more DNA in Jack’s direction, along with a list of chores to do. Then God left for vacation.
When God returned he looked everywhere for Adam and called him by name. God looked upon the birds of the air and among every creature on the earth, who were flying and roaming about as God had intended. And soon he saw Adam, doing as God had expected. But where, God wondered, was Jack? Jack was Adam’s step-brother, who lived on the other side of the river, and God always wondered about all that he had created in Jack.
God called the bank, checked Jack’s transactions, gasped, and froze everything. God looked frantically everywhere for Jack, at every Dunkin Donuts drive through, at Auto Zone, at the dump, all the places God knew that Jack would visit.
God got really worried, until he saw something-someone off in the distance, wearing what looked like a bright red cap that said, “Make America Great Again.” God shook his head, but alas, God knew that he had finally found Jack.
There Jack was, in the Garden, littered with seven pickup trucks, three boats, drinking beer and grilling mammoth in a make-shift fire pit. God looked around, and then Jack spoke:
“Sorry boss, I accidentally ran the serpent over while backing in the Ford 350. And the note you left only said don’t eat the fruit, and well, I needed firewood for cooking supper. No worries though, I left the fruit right where the tree hit the ground. Here, wanna eat?”
And God was pissed. God checked his notes, grabbed his phone and called Oprah. Within three days the “Book of O” arrived, By chapter two God calmed down and things got better.
Happy Mother’s Day.